I went to primary school in Balsall Heath in Birmingham between 1958 and 1964. The building, see above, was recently demolished and sat in the middle of what I now know was the arse-end of the inner city. I didn’t know that: it was just our school. The Birmingham Hebrew School. And I went there because I was Jewish. Because of this, I was responsible for the death of Jesus. I knew this because in our frequent skirmishes with kids from neighbouring Hope Street School – who didn’t like yids – it was one of the things they yelled at us.

To be honest, I didn’t know a whole lot about Jesus except for the fact that I didn’t believe in him. But even at that early age, I remember thinking that foisting responsibility for his demise onto a bunch of kids trying to negotiate a scrap-free route home from school was a stretch of causality. I’m over it now. I know with iron certainty that I am blame free.

By exactly the same standard, when teenagers at a pop concert are dismembered in a grotesquely distorted show of fidelity to Islam, I do not hold my Muslim neighbours accountable. And when the thuggish monsters clinging to power in Israel bomb, humiliate and starve the people of Gaza, I don’t blame my sisters, cousins, nephews and nieces, all of whom, unlike me, maintain the faith of their birth.

As it happens, I know that some of those relatives are in despair about the vile and disproportionate actions of the Israeli government. Which means – hold on to your hats now – that by the perverse logic of almost all of England’s elected members of parliament, along with the majority of our vile press, they must be antisemites. Because, you see, that’s what you are if you criticise Israel.

The latest person to find this out is prospective Labour MP for Rochdale, Azhar Ali. The first thing to say about the potentially honourable gentleman is that he’s clearly a bit dim. In the days following the Hamas attacks in Israel on 7 October, evidence has emerged that he was parroting a common conspiracy theory of the time that Israel turned a blind eye to what was about to happen, thereby justifying the draconian response that would ensue.

With his candidacy under threat as a result of this claim, he has unreservedly retracted his comments and issued an apology to the Jewish community (which, I suppose, must include me) for the offence caused. Because, as we all now know, any criticism of Israel’s actions, can only possibly be born of antisemitic sentiments.

The notion that the Israeli Defence Force was ordered to carry on smoking and reading the paper, even as they knew that Hamas was coming through the gate to murder, burn and rape, is risible. What is not in dispute, however, is the disproportionate and brutal level of Israel’s actual response. If we’re looking for apologies here, then maybe it’s best to roll our eyes at the credulousness of Mr Ali and ask some genuine villains to say they’re sorry.

In the wake of the horror of the Hamas attacks, parliamentarians on all sides roared their approval of Israel’s right to self-defence. When, after a few weeks of slaughter, they were asked to contemplate a cease-fire, they decided that they just couldn’t do so.  Now, as the bodies pile up and as displaced people find themselves cornered in Rafah, some of the brave bully boys are, at last, wringing their hands at the actions of those to whom they’ve so far granted approval and permission.

Most prominent of these is the unlovely, unelected Foreign Secretary, Lord David Cameron. He has sufficiently bestirred himself to advise Israel to ‘stop and think’ before inflicting yet more carnage. Stopping and thinking, eh? I think you’ll find that you’re the one who opened the door to allow that particular horse to bolt, your lordship. And was that just the hint of criticism of Israeli action? Be careful about that, or you know what you’ll be called.

No matter how furious he may have been about Israel’s brutality, Azhar Ali would have done well to engage his brain before putting his mouth into gear. For that, especially as a prospective lawmaker himself, he is squarely to blame – although, goodness knows, it’s not as if the good sense, honesty and integrity of his potential classmates have set the bar high when it comes to meeting their entry requirements.

But he’s learnt one lesson the hard way. Those who have so recklessly weaponised accusations of antisemitism for their slimy political purposes, have ensured that they’ve got the ace up their sleeve when in comes to justifying the terror enacted by Israel. Only now, as they eventually try to tame the beast they’ve so gladly indulged, these careless armchair warriors might just begin to see what a wretched ploy that turned out to be.